I don't feel a damn thing. Not in the sense that a quadriplegic can't feel a damn thing, but I mean on a non-sensory level I just do not feel a thing. In my life I have been broached by the terms, 'love','motivation", and 'hope', an awful lot. These terms hold great significance with 'well-adjusted' people, however I am completely indifferent. I'd be happy about my indifference if I could. In the seventh grade, I was told that the world is full of entropy. I like to think of entropy as Order's little brother, Chaos. In the tenth grade, I learned that human beings die when their telomeres got short enough. I decided that Science (spelled with a capital S, the same way you might spell God with a capital G) was in fact, correct about the world being full of Chaos, and that it was probably for the better.
My faith in Science led me to wonder about whether discerning any of the madness was of any purpose if my own time is to be so short on earth. This led me to a time during my early twenties when I went through a religious reawakening with God of the Christian faction, which came up with few answers. So I started believing in Nothing. Nothing is love. Nothing is imagination. Nothing is everything. Nothing was the bridge I needed to find a common ground behind Science and Chaos and God and Order. Nothing showed me that hedonism and altruism can coexist in harmony. Nothing taught me that grace and rage can be paired like a steak with an exotic red wine. Nothing proved to me that habits and disarray are one and the same. Unsurprisingly, I get by. I slip right through the cracks of the every day, and I make a ritual of my nonconformity. I wake up in the same place...but never at the same time! Some days I wake up, and I'm a comedian. No really, you can hold the applause. Because, some days I wake up and I'm a hip hop superstar. Ladies, and gentleman, hold on to your hats and blouses, because the other day, Nothing told me that I was a striving basketball phenom, jumping through the gym and chucking the ball from 30 feet away because the coach will let me. I believe in Nothing, because Nothing believes in me.
People often try and get me to believe in Something. As if believing in Something, is any better than believing in Nothing. Something, as Chaos is concerned, is no more important than Nothing. Chaos makes Nothing out of Something. Or it makes Something out of Nothing. Scientists don't like when I say that latter statement. Godly people don't like when I say much of anything. In the end, and in the beginning, Godly people have been the biggest proponents of Something, and they don't like admitting that Nothing exists. But Nothing is real. And Nothing will always be out there.
My name is Nihils Umquam, and I want you to believe in Nothing.