This 2016 Halloween season, dress as a clown, I insist. The archetypal clown has served as a pillar of children’s entertainment for generations, and still stands as a symbol of slapstick humour, and eccentric absurdity. For this reason, I believe in the midst of 2016’s major media clown hysteria, we as holiday-participants must redeem the good name of clowns. Clowns are polarizing. To some, they are the symbol of juvenile amusement, but to many others, clowns are as tangible of a terror as fiction’s greatest monsters. This latter group suffers from coulrophobia, the irrational fear of clowns. I believe with major media’s current trepidation of clowns, we are all in need of remedy to our own quasi-coulrophobia. The remedy may be simply enough, facing the fear and making light of it. To quote the late, great Heath Ledger’s Joker, “Why so serious?”
I digress: if you’re going to dress as a clown this Halloween, dress with whimsy. Wear glossy-red, size 22 shoes, paint the contours of your face with a happy palate of colours, put on a big, fuzzy nose and wear a shirt pocket flower that squirts water. On a scale from cinematic Joker’s, dress more like Cesar Romero or Jack Nicholson, and less like Heath Ledger’s Joker. It is possible that the current stigma about clown-creeps can be crushed by a backlash, an oversaturation of unadulterated clowning. There are going to be bad apples that want to spoil the bunch. “Some men just want to watch the world burn.” There will be a contingent of people who will dress as menacing clowns, and they’re going to think that they are very cutting edge by perpetuating the clown-creep hysteria. But those people need to be part of the contra to satisfy some deep-seated emptiness of their own character. Don’t gratify them. Don’t engage them with physical backlash if they try to spook you; it is altogether not necessary. Halloween: a time where we put on a mask. Your neighbour is Spiderman, the frat house down the street are the cast of Top Gun, and a harum-scarum host of Harley Quinn’s of every size, shape, gender, and species. It is highly possible that in the build-up to October 31st, more hijinks will ensue, but I gather that the general public will get over their clown anxiety faster than they got over Kony 2012. Never forget.
2016 Topical Halloween Attire
RIP Harambe. I anticipate many “memelords” will keep the memory of Harambe alive this Halloween, dressing in Gorilla costumes. This is alright, but there’s always room for improvement.
+5 Gunshot wounds on costume
+10 Dicks Out
+50 Father dressed as Gorilla with his son, dressed as a normal child
The recent hysteria should lead to a whole spectrum of clownery to make it’s way across Halloween this year. There are sure to be some very original conceptualizations of clowns, as well as some rather droll ones.
+5 if Balloons are involved.
Make Halloween Great Again. Listen, I know costumes, and I know that when it comes to controversy, Trump is a household name. The Trump costume will win all the costume contests; I know it, you know it, everybody knows it.
+5 for every wall built
The Human Dab-
Someone will take dabbing too far. To a place no man has ever dabbed before. Costume consists of dabbing at all instances and for any occasion. Liable to attract haters: dab on them without mercy.
Green Morph Suit™ + Unicycle = Here come dat boi. Oh shit waddup Halloween 2016?
+5 If the unicycle is orange.
Kneeling Colin Kaepernick-
I feel enough people must have bought Kaepernick jerseys when the 49ers were relevant, and that they will take this Halloween as an opportunity to wear those jerseys.
+5 Afro Wig
+100 Real Afro
These are my suggestions for your 2016 topical costume. Take it or leave it. In fact, hopefully you’ll leave it. I’m excited to see how the Concordia student body dresses up this Halloween season. So show your dynamic mix of costumes and outfits at this year’s edition of CUCA Spooka, a monster mash of fun hosted at the Alberta Aviation Museum, Saturday October 22nd at 7pm.