The lure of exploration has driving the bravest of humans to the highest peaks of Nepal, the sandiest deserts of Africa or the 3rd silent study floor of the library. All noble causes. As students, it is vital to know ones school backwards and forwards. How else do you expect to hide effectively from a rampant ex girlfriend/boyfriend, or escape the sharp talons of professors demanding late assignments. Where can you sleep without being disturbed by gossiping first-years? What is the proper etiquette when taking a significant other to the now infamous Hole Academic Make-Out Desk? Unfortunately, these are some of the questions which I cannot answer today. We must stay on topic and not get ahead of ourselves. Now, we go onward to the first stop of our tour.
The water fountain in the science hallway is ridiculous. By far, this is the strongest fountain on campus. The combined height and velocity of this fountain demand respect. Not since your days in elementary school have you seen a majestic fountain quite like this. If not properly executed, a novice drinker would easily find themselves and the surrounding floor drenched. A slow turn of the faucet is key with this old school drinking spout.
However, the fountain that boasts the coldest water is found elsewhere. On the top level of HA, you will easily find this sleeping beauty. Located by the elevator and sandwiched between that crazy lecture hall which doesn’t really belong; is one of the eleven wonders of our school. This is a regular pit stop during my walk-abouts on any given Monday, Wednesday or Friday. It provides a cool stream which never disappoints. Always refreshing and calming for any pre-exam jitters.
Now that I’ve dropped some serious water fountain knowledge on you, its time to spread the word about one of the four notorious secret washrooms. Much like something out of a Harry Potter novel; these spaces are magical. Due to reasons I cannot discuss here, I am only allowed to share one of the locations with you. Located downstairs, this unit is part of the old building. This is key because the general populous senselessly skips past it on track to the new and improved facilities. It truly is their loss. Once inside, a simple 2 banger stall and solo urinal are set up (sorry ladies, I don’t exactly know what’s happening on your side of the wall but I assume its pretty cool). This creates a very prime individual chamber of reflection. Upon my departure, I make sure to leave the days newest Sports Page hanging on the divider of the stall. This way, the boys have something to read.
Like any tried and true professional, I must play my cards close to my chest to ensure that my favorite spots remain secret and hidden from the public eye. That is precisely why I cannot give anymore hints in regards to these elusive facilities. However, with enough soul searching and exploration I am confident you will stumble upon these specified landmarks and others by yourself. Next issue, I sit down with “the most interesting man on campus” for a very poignant one on one interview.