I broke up with my girlfriend of two and a half years almost a month ago; my heart wasn't in it anymore and it was just time to end it. My now ex-girlfriend and I agreed to become friends, but only after a period of no contact. During the breakup I cried and was very sad, after a few rough days however, I felt perfectly okay. I knew for a while my relationship wasn't working so I think deep down I knew it was the right thing to do and I had anticipated the breakup happening for a long time. I moved on rather quickly and have recently been on a few dates with a girl that makes me happier than I've been in a long time even though I had actually planned on being single for a while. But this girl showed up and has sort of changed my mind. Anyways, a few days ago my ex texted me and said she'd like to meet up in about a week so she can talk to me about the breakup, ask me some questions, and get 'closure'. My question is, should I tell her I'm dating somebody? How much information should I give her? I've never been in a situation like this before, so I'm really confused.
-Confused About Closure
(I have already contacted the individual about this question via e-mail since the matter was slightly time sensitive. I felt like the question was worth sharing though, so here it is)
I think you’re missing the point of the meetup between you and your ex. She wants to talk to you “about the breakup, ask me some questions, and get 'closure'” not find out that you’re dating again. If you don’t want to meet with her on the basis that you have found someone else and want to cut off ties with your ex then that’s a different story. If you’re really serious about the “being friends”, which you don’t have to be (people say that all the time during breakups), then there is no need to mention that you’re dating during this meeting if all she wants to do is know why you broke it off with her. I’ve been on both sides of this issue and can say this: you ex may be hung up about the reasons for the break-up and unable to move on because of it. If all it takes is a few questions to you about your reasoning for the break-up she may be able to move on and find the happiness that you have recently found, instead of being stuck in a rut of doubt in her head.
I understand that sometimes finding reasons other than “it just fizzled” can be tough, but you’d be surprised at how important closure can be to some people and your ex may ask the right questions during your meet up to have the closure she needs.
If you aren’t wanting to meet with her because you have found this new person in your life and you think it would complicate things then again you owe your ex the truth by saying that you don’t want to meet right now or, in a more extreme case, that being friends isn’t going to work out. Remember that just saying that “being friends isn’t going to work” probably won’t be enough and adding some details, to which I am not privy to, would probably help give your ex that closure she needs while also making sure she doesn’t bug you for the next year trying to find out not only why you broke up with her, but why you don’t want to be friends.
It seems to be a running theme from me, but communication is key here, and it seems like your ex just wants answers so she can move on too. Two and a half years is a lot of time to invest and if she wasn’t expecting the breakup then it can be a system shock. Meeting and answering some questions might actually be good for both of you and if you’re serious about becoming friends then it’s an important meet up to have. Just remember, be truthful, be yourself and stick to your guns; if the point of the meeting is for her to suck you back into a relationship don’t be afraid to exit the meeting with the appropriate gusto.
Best of luck and let us know how it turned out,