Concordia is so gung-ho about getting involved and personally I would like to too, but my best friend just died this summer and I’m still not over it. We bared our souls to each other and grew up together. In an instant she was gone. I realized that everybody comes and goes in our life, which is making me think, what is the whole point of making an effort to make new friends when they are just going to leave you anyways? Now I always push people away and I don’t make any friends anymore because I don’t want to go through that again. I know this sounds depressing, but I really want to hear your perspective and hopefully start getting involved because it sucks being alone all the time.
Going through a traumatic event such as the loss of a loved one is never easy. The fact that this individual is gone and the fact that it’s so permanent leaves a mark that may never disappear; but it can slowly fade. A best friend is not something to be taken for granted, as there are moments and memories that cannot be shared with others. Perhaps changing the way you regard these memories is what can be the catalyst to get you out of this emptiness.
Instead of viewing these memories as something you will never be able to experience again, you need to view them for what they are. You were her best friend and you were able to share these moments with her right until the end. If there were a movie of her life, you would be the supporting character. You of all people had the opportunity to light up this individual’s life, and had the opportunity to experience most of her life with her. Death is a daunting idea to think about because of its permanence, so you need to be able to see the silver lining in the situation. What did she do that you liked the most, and how can you carry on her legacy. You do not have to ever let go of your love for her, but you do need to carry on with your own life.
People are interesting in that they do tend to come and go throughout life, no matter how permanent they seem to be. Instead of becoming dependent on people to be your source of happiness, you need to become satisfied with yourself and allow people to compliment your happiness instead of being the source. Often times I find I’m happiest when I am staying active, social, and still being able to get my work done. You need to find a balance of the mind, body, and spirit and that will help push you in the right direction.
Sometimes when people are in a depressive episode they tend to look for reasons not to do something, maybe you ought to try looking for reasons to do these things, as well as the consequences of not doing them. This is easier said than done based off my own experience, but once you’re able to form a habit it can become second nature. For the longest period of my life I was too self-aware, too nervous, and too self-conscious to reach out to people. But one day, I don’t know what it was, but I broke out of my shell. People are not all bad, most are more patient than we give them credit for. Whether it be starting a random conversation, or even speaking up in class, I found in doing so I gained more confidence and more self-satisfaction.
You are not alone in the sense that dealing with death is often one of the hardest things an individual can go through. I want you to know that no matter who comes and goes there will always be someone who will care about you. You also need to care about yourself, and try and focus your energy on trying to enjoy life once again. Don’t ever forget your best friend, but don’t let her death be the reason you stopped enjoying life. I’m willing to bet she would not want your life to take a turn for the worse because of her absence. Use it as motivation, use it as a reminder of how close death can be, and use it to become a better person.
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