Every day for the past three months I’ve had short encounters with a woman while at my hobby (please forgive the vagueness, I’m trying not to be found out). The encounters are short and don’t involve talking but as you may have guessed I would like them to. I’m really awkward and it’s hard for me to talk to girls, what can I do to strike up a conversation with her and maybe get her to go on a date with me? Also where would be a good place to go on a date? I haven’t dated much if you can’t tell.
First off, embrace the awkwardness that is you. The easiest way to do that is to go in knowing that the possibility of rejection is always there, so the worst she can say is no. “No” won’t kill you, “no” won’t send you spiralling into depression, “no” will only mean that you have to move on and accept that this girl isn’t for you.
Something I find that usually helps alleviate the awkward moments is having something in common. If you’re both involved with the same hobby, which I assume you are given that you “encounter” each other every day, I would say that it’s a good place to start. When you have your daily encounter be the one to strike up a conversation, she may be just as shy as you. I’ve found that the word “hello” or “hi” is a good place to start, followed quickly by a “how are you?” Remember, if you want to open communication between the two of you, someone has to take that first leap. I think you’ll find yourself to be surprised how easy it will be to talk after the initial greeting; you do have your hobby in common after all.
Now this is where opinions will differ: asking her out. I would suggest a few, by that I mean 3, conversations at your daily encounters then ask her out for coffee. Others might say that you should jump right in and ask the other person out, or slow play it and wait for a longer period of time. With your issues talking to the opposite sex I’d say: too quick and it’ll come out muddled, too slow and I feel like you may fall into a comfortable rhythm and not go through with it. As for asking her out I think that after three “encounters” it should be simple, remember the worst she can say is “no”, to say, “So I was wondering if you’d like to grab a coffee later?”
I keep mentioning coffee, not sure if you noticed, that’s because coffee is always safe, it may sound boring and cliché, but it provides a place where the two of you can talk and get to know each other. A movie does not provide time to talk. Dinner provides too many options for two people who don’t know each other that well. Going to watch the stars may be a little too romantic for a first date. Again I have no idea what your hobby is, but maybe doing something that involves your combined hobby would be good for the two of you, just make sure there is time to talk and get to know each other. That’s the most important part of the first date: getting to know the other person.
Another tip before I sign off: don’t just talk about yourself, but don’t just let her carry the conversation all on her own. It’s not a bad thing to have questions prepped for the date, for the love of everything good in the world don’t bring cue cards, but having some things that’d you’d like to know more about the other person are fine to have sitting in the back of your mind to fit in when appropriate.
All that being said, I’m now wondering what other people’s ideas about first dates are. Where do you go? How do you handle it? Do you not agree that coffee is the way to go? E-mail me and let me know. Remember my e-mail is firstname.lastname@example.org or you can comment on The Bolt’s website. Also remember that anything you send me can be published in The Bolt (other than your name and contact info).
Thanks for reading and good luck getting that date Awkward!
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